This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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