1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
