after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
