we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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