how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
