Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
