U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
