are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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