woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
