apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
