I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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