normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
