the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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