Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
