you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
