Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
