If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
