Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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