I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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