we're blogging at a bar
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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