dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
