he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
