Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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