Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
