he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
