I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
