Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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