I hope mine doesn't look like that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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