also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this boner is exhausting
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
