Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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