VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
