One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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