I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
