so explain again why im purple
no
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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