dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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