If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize