So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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