Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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