So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
