I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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