You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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