We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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