$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
