my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
