That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
