I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
