I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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