i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
