Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
