During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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