U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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