All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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