I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
