weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
