she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
