check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
