Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
