I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
