I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
