Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize