I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
