You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
