I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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