enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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