I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
