It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
