If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Come on in and take your pants off
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