Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
