Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You are a genius and a whore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
